Quiz: Which Reality Show Cast Could You Join?

It’s no secret that the ubiquitous reality shows on networks like VH1 and Bravo are infectious guilty pleasures. Most viewers watch with a satisfied detachment, understanding that most of the action and dialogue is scripted, and with a relief that the women featured aren’t us. But what if you did decide to join the cast of one of the popular reality train wrecks that gets folks going at the watercooler every morning after they air? What if the money for making a few appearances was so tempting you just couldn’t resist? Which show would be the best match for your attitudes toward life, love, and conflict?

If none of the answers seems to suit your personal attitudes or experiences, answer according to which situation you’d find most entertaining to witness first hand.

Take this quiz to find out.

1. How are you likeliest to resolve conflict?

a. Talk to a mutual “frenemy” and wait for her to instigate or mediate.

b. Make a scene while voicing your discontent. Consider throwing something.

c. Talk to your man and hope he gets involved, especially if the conflict is with his hatin’ mama.

d. Talk loudly but directly to whoever offended you. Don’t back down until you’ve made your point.

2. What’s your relationship status?

a. Single, separated or divorced, but still referring to yourself as a wife when it benefits you.

b. Engaged … or practically engaged. For five or more years.

c. Friends with benefits (whether you’re willing to admit it or not).

d. Unhappily married — or willingly participating in a marriage of convenience.

3. Which best describes your circle of friends?

a. A group of women who work very hard to appear wealthy and classy.

b. A group of women who understand what it is to compete with dozens of groupies for her man’s affections (since he’s rich and/or attractive).

c. Desperate, when it comes to matters of the heart.

d. My closest friends are relatives — especially my sister(s) and mom.

4. What kind of man would you rather date?

a. A second-string football player or a moderately successful entrepreneur.

b. A bench-riding NBA player with a better-than-average contract.

c. A past-his-prime rapper.

d. A musician or music producer.

5. If there were no real consequences, which of the following would you do if you were angry?

a. Yank off a wig or rip out a weave.

b. Throw a drink in someone’s face.

c. Threaten someone with physical violence.

d. Get loud in public and hope to draw an audience, as you read your opponent up and down.

6. If you had to choose between the following, which would you say is most important to you?

a. Real estate or social status.

b. Money or material gifts.

c. Fidelity/being “claimed” by your significant other.

d. Family.

Mostly a’s: Welcome to the cast of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta”! Though you’ve very clearly been thrown into a series of awkward social situations with women you don’t know or like, you make the best of it. In relationships, you’re not above trading up when necessary. It’s important for you to use your relationships (with friends and lovers alike) to bolster your professional or financial pursuits. Get used to pretending you’re fancier than you are, keep a hairdresser, a stylist, and house you can’t afford on retainer. You’ll fit in just fine.

Mostly b.’s: You’re on your way to one of the “Basketball Wives” casts. Each one will provide you with ample ratchet entertainment. Get your confrontational weight up, though — especially if you think you’ll wind up going head-to-head with Tami’s crazy self. In order to qualify for this cast, you’ll need to be in a long-term relationship with an NBA player. He doesn’t have to be a top-tier player, and he doesn’t have to actually propose to you (don’t let the show title fool you). If you do manage to get a ring out of him, prepare for him to string you along for a while; he’ll need to vet you to make sure you can put up with all his crap. If you can’t, that’s also not cause for concern. Shaunie will find a way to keep you around (for a very limited time), as long as you’re great at picking and winning arguments.

Mostly c.’s: Buckle up. You’re headed to the “Love and Hip Hop” cast. It will depress you as often as it makes you laugh. In order to fit in here, you’ll have to discuss the intimate details of your love life openly. You’ll spend more time breaking up with whatever rapper you’re seeing than you will spend being happily boo’d up. The best part of joining a cast like this is probably knowing you’re just there for ratings and can walk away from your hip-hop boy toy (and all his drama) at any time.

Mostly d.’s: You’re an honorary Braxton sister! You value family and don’t mind living in the perpetual shadow of a superstar sibling. You’ll have to help your mom find a man — and mediate your estranged parents’ differences of opinion. The odds are likelier that you’ll be unhappily married than single. Since Tamar’s getting a spinoff with Vince, you may be brought in as her replacement. If that’s the case, train yourself to bounce and jiggle and shake your shoulders whenever you talk and come up with at least three catchphrases that are sure to catch on.

What was your result? Was your chosen reality show not listed? Which cast wouldn’t you mind joining for a limited time only?